Technical Difficulties

Yesterday as I was getting ready to leave school, a bad thing happened. After packing everything into my little red Saturn, I put the car in reverse and started backing out of the parking space, ready to begin my joyous summer. It was then that I felt the back wheels roll over something. When I got out of the car check it out, I saw my contorted backpack (filled mostly with clothes but also with my laptop, external hard drive, and computer speakers) jammed underneath the car just in front of the left rear wheel, which had just finished RUNNING IT OVER. Apparently, while I thought I had loaded all of my belongings, it turns out I had actually loaded all of my belongings except for one belonging.


I tried to pull the bag out from under the car, but it would not budge. I put the car into neutral and then proceeded to try to push the car off the bag which ended up just dragging the bag back and forth (tearing a hole in it in the process). It was noon in a crowded parking lot of parents helping their kids move out of the dorms. People were probably confused.

It was at this point that adrenaline took over. I reached down and bent my knees trying not to remember my pathetic dead lift attempts during JV baseball tryouts when I was a sophomore in high school. I grabbed rear bumper of the car and, like a mother saving her trapped baby, I was able to move the car off the bag.¹

The speakers and hard drive seemed fine, but the computer did not look so good. To my surprise, when I pushed the power button on the scraped and slightly bent Macbook, it made the startup noise and it appears to actually work. The screen is broken so I can't see anything but the keyboard and volume still work, so I'm going to try to hook it up to a monitor and test it.

I'm amazed that it even works at all, but I guess Macs are designed for simple people who only own a computer so they can look at pictures of their 5 year-old nephew on iPhoto, or use iTunes to download episodes of M*A*S*H,  or whatever, so they probably planned for this sort of idiotic thing. I'm not saying that being "computer illiterate"makes you stupid, but I am saying that it makes you old (Huh?). And old people should not drive. And apparently, neither should I.

So, because of my secret plot to kill Justin Long with a car stupidness, I am without my computer for a while. This is such a giant tragedy that the world should be concerned about. It ranks somewhere between Dresden and getting sexually assaulted by Ben Roethlisberger.

Got Rape?²

Posts may be somewhat infrequent until I figure out the computer thing and I'm sure I'll be way behind the times once I start having the internet constantly flashing things at my eyeballs again, so bear with me if I post videos you already saw on your Yahoo! home page, or whatever. By the way, have you guys heard about Keyboard Cat?

¹ This stuff actually happens. I did a Bing search.
² Haha, ew. This Milk Ad caption is gross on so many levels, but it is still not as gross as that man's face.